My co-worker has been building an insult generator for a couple of weeks now. Whenever I think of a good insult I kick it his way for incorporation. Here are the first ten insults it threw at me when I went to test it:

I hope you drown in a stagnant cum pool, you goat drilling throat clam.

Get donkey punched by a schoolbus you worthless dog fucker. [Schoolbus?]

Die in a fire you ass pounding cattle raper.

Go swim in a pool of aids you throbbing knob gobbler.

I will punch you in the babymaker, you buttfucking fire crotch.

Eat baby feces, you clit slapping butt fister.

I hope someone beats you to death with a dead baby, you ass pounding Republican

Get raped by a priest, you corpse humping shit eater

Please die , you buttfucking . [Bug!]

Drip jism in your bloody hole, you cum guzzling cooter

Version 2.0, coming online tomorrow apparently has more sophisticated linguistics. I can't wait!

Go father a nation, you powdered-wig-wearing bear-humper!

Jump in a bathtub full of hepatitis, you rim-jobbing fuck-suck

It brings a little tear to my eye to think that I may have contributed, if only so slightly, to the groundswell of class and erudition that I feel building here.

I hope your daughter wins an AVN Award someday.

(Note: only works if insultee actually has a daughter.)

Say... This one took a moment to sink in. Pistols at dawn?

It breaks up the monotony of the day.

Get raped with a can of hairspray, you cancer ridden scrotum.

Dawn's no good for me - but I can pencil you in at 10:30!

Next time I'll include rapid-release holes, like Tylenol.

Go spend $150 bucks on a new Ovechkin jersey!

(Note: only works on loyal Washington Capitals fans.)

Herpes infested Islanders fan.

Get that Dirty Sanchez wiped off with a 3lb. sledge, sperm burper.


Hey, Flipper. The cum on your tie matches the load on your back.

Version 2.0 results pouring in!

It would be amazing if you shut your skanky cryhole you vagina.

I hope an ape humps you in a closet you yeasty foreskin.

I hope a mailman castrates you in public you bloated yeti.

My friend has continued to tweak his insult generator. Here are some random gems from the latest revision:

It would be pretty neat if you shut your dog fucking gob, you wanker.

If a hobo rapes you in the face tomorrow, I bet it won't be the first time.

They will tell tales of your moronic behavior long after you drown.

I hope a fireman slaps you in central park, you horrible baby raper.

Know why you have cholera? Because you're a crab infested panda pounder.

Your dad smells like tapeworms.

My dildo, your back door. Right now.

I fully expect your crab infested brother to catch you sucking a drug dealer in your parents bedroom, because you do it so damn often.

#2 is excellent. Got a good rhyme scheme, and the subjunctive adds a philosophical note.

lol...I am gonna print this out and learn it for the Ranger-Devil game on Monday!

Up yours with a chainsaw, you noisesome, unctuous Devils fan!

Continue absorbing manhood into your glute hole you anal tadpole sponge!

"You're not very nice and you don't deserve to be treated well"..... Hey, I never said I was good at this.

Now available for public consumption!

http://www.insultgenerator.org/

That one didn't seem terribly insulting.

She was slapping him with her dick.

Ah - see what happens when critical info is left out?

Can we send a collection of these to Tom Renney and sign it "The 2008-09 New York Rangers and their fans"?

Hrmm, indeed!

Alright, this one was just too hilarious to not post:

can't take credit for this one:

I hope you die from nasty bloodfarts you cum-guzzling kid toucher.


EDIT: Awwww I thought we were still submitting insults.